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S2S Lesson 4 – The Synergy Process

Now that we have learned the essential distinctions of Right/Right thinking and Presuming Positive Intention, we are ready to effectively practice in relationship and introduce you to The Synergy Process, an incredibly powerful tool to create thriving partnerships.

In this lesson, we will learn the Synergy Process, the relationship tool to systematically turn conflict into greater connection.

This is the practical expression of Right/Right thinking and presuming positive intention.

Learn to create synergy where most people create resentment and resignation.

Systematically use our differences as an opportunity to build partnerships.

Change the way we think about the issue instead of falling back into the old Win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose outcomes.

Shift the focus from what we want, to the reason why we want something.

“What do you want through having X”

When we reveal the higher purpose for each person, we get a much wider range of opportunities to find win-win outcomes.

The Synergy Process

  1. Affirm each persons right to want whatever they want. (establish context)
  2. Presuppose positive intention and ask the higher purpose question. (what do you want this for?)
  3. Find creative solutions to address the higher purpose even if it does not result in the person getting their original desire.

Listen to Lesson 4, and get this distinction in much greater detail, then proceed to Exercise 4

S2S Lesson 4 Exercise

Exercise Questions:
represence the 3 issues from the first two sessions
you have envisioned through the right/right attitude for relating
you have examined and imagined Presupposing Positive Intention
Now, let’s create some win-win agreements around them

represence #1
Identify the issue and underlying boundary issue
(60 Seconds)

Ask yourself the higher purpose question
Clarifying your higher purpose
(60 Seconds)

Rinse repeat on higher purpose
(60 Seconds)

Imagine asking other higher purpose question
write down the answers
(60 Seconds)

Rinse and Repeat
(60 Seconds)

Imagine solutions that might work to synergize both higher purposes.
(60 Seconds)

Rinse and Repeat
(60 Seconds)

Imagine that that worked – anything else needed to be satisfied?
Clarify additional positive purposes for yourself.
(60 Seconds)

Clarify additional positive purposes for your partner.
(60 Seconds)

Find synergistic solutions
(60 Seconds)

specify next actions and schedule
(60 Seconds)

7 minutes rinse and repeat
get easier the second time
let’s go through those 10 steps again on a different issue
rinse and repeat with same partnership mid-level emotional intensity
6 minutes rinse and repeat
get even easier the third time
let’s go through those 10 steps again on a different issue
repeat with same partnership high-level emotional intensity
summarize
get practiced at moving from emotions — boundary — higher purpose
the more the more – the better with self, the better with others
Do this WITH your partner – live!
outro
I encourage you to take a couple minutes to review what you have written
and translate those into concrete actions you can take
to create thriving in the partnerships you choose to focus on.

S2S Lesson 1 Exercise

This exercise is an excellent resource to help you get crystal clear with your decision to start right now and take your relationship from suffering to synergy.

Use the Google Doc, a journal, or the automated from below to record your answers to these questions.

[gravityform id=”1″ name=”Lesson 1 Exercise” ajax=”true” title=”false”]
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This is only the first lesson a 5-hour Online course
that will change your relationship forever!


CTP: Suffering to Synergy is a short and effective 4-lesson course that will open the door to a new way of being in your partnership and literally transform that relationship…overnight(or as fast as you can get through the course anyway.)

With an hour a week, you (or you and your partner) will learn, discover and create whole new possibilities in your relationship.

The 4 lesson Suffering to Synergy course will lay the foundation that will profoundly shift your understanding of your relationship and lay the groundwork for you to get what you really want. Happiness, Intimacy, Teamwork, Fun.

S2S is loaded with lessons for new understanding, exercises to help you practice and really ground these new ideas, support forums where you can get answers to specific issues in your unique relationship, and access to a community of people committed to relationship mastery.
Learn More.

S2S Lesson 1 – What is the “Master Choice?”

The Master Choice?

It really is that important.

Once you make this master choice, it will change your relationship forever.

It is a life-changing choice.

It is also the kind of choice that if you don’t make it, you will continue down the path of suffering, resentment and generally a future that you don’t want.

This lesson will help you recognize and make that choice, and see your relationship get better, and better.

Listen to this lesson, then complete the exercise, and take the first step to move your relationship life from Suffering To Synergy

This is only the first lesson a 5-hour Online course
that will change your relationship forever!


CTP: Suffering to Synergy is a short and effective 4-lesson course that will open the door to a new way of being in your partnership and literally transform that relationship…overnight(or as fast as you can get through the course anyway.)

With an hour a week, you (or you and your partner) will learn, discover and create whole new possibilities in your relationship.

The 4 lesson Suffering to Synergy course will lay the foundation that will profoundly shift your understanding of your relationship and lay the groundwork for you to get what you really want. Happiness, Intimacy, Teamwork, Fun.

S2S is loaded with lessons for new understanding, exercises to help you practice and really ground these new ideas, support forums where you can get answers to specific issues in your unique relationship, and access to a community of people committed to relationship mastery.
Learn More.

Lesson 2 – Moving from right/wrong to right/right

…we thought you might.

Lesson 2 is a powerful exploration of this toxic and destructive pattern, how it affects relationships and how to liberate yourself from this painful dynamic.

We call it the Victim/Self-righteousness dynamic and Right/Wrong thinking.

We explore this dynamic and a few other distinctions that are very likely at play in all of your relationships right now.

In this lesson, you’ll learn:

  • “The one right way”
  • Our individual “rulebooks”
  • Right/Wrong Thinking
  • The victim/self-righteousness dynamic
  • The the basic solution to this problem and Right/Right thinking

Leave a comment below if you would like to discuss lesson two further with Mark.

Lesson 3 – Presuming Positive Intention

In this lesson, we’ll further unpack Right/Right thinking and learn what this way of being looks and feels like with another person.

You’ll also get the single most practical tool for creating thriving partnerships, what we like to call Presuming Positive Intention.

Presuming Positive Intention

  1. Whenever we are uncertain about someones motive or intention, we presume that their intention is positive.
  2. Communicate to them that you are presuming positive intention.

Assume any upset is based on a misunderstanding not an attempt to hurt. Commit to clear up this misunderstanding ASAC(As Soon As is Convenient.)

When it comes down to it, we just don’t know why anyone else does anything. Our discomfort with not knowing has us project all kinds of reasons and motives onto others when we experience unpleasant feelings.

When we react self-righteously to presumed negative intention, we create all sorts of problems in relationships. Presuming negative intention, like most propel do most of the time, is a sure trigger for the victim/self-rigteous dynamic we learned in Lesson 2.

The more we allow these Presumed Negative Intentions to run wild in our minds, the more our own world will seem dangerous and hostile.

If we have the choice, doesn’t is seem better to Presume Positive Intention?

The Rule:
Presuming Negative Intention is at the heart of nearly every conflict.
Presuming Positive Intention is the surest path to resolution.

This choice is an act of consciousness, and a skill that we can develop.

This choice will fundamentally change the quality and depth of all our relationships.

Presuming Negative Intention is the essence of Right/Wrong Thinking.

Presuming Positive Intention is the heart of Right/Right Thinking.

This is where the rubber meets the road.