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Is your relationship headed for Thriving or Suffering? Because it’s either one or the other.

Relationships are like gardens, they are organic. They are either growing and flourishing, or dying and being taken over by bugs and weeds.

If you don’t know, in your gut and without question, that your relationship is headed towards thriving, I challenge you to take 5 minutes and read about some clients of mine and discover how their solution might help you.

This Story can change the course of your life!

You see, I’ve been doing life and relationship coaching for 20 years and written two books on relationships.  When people learn this about me, it is amazing the personal details they will share with me and ask for my advice…especially at a party after a couple drinks.

Meet Melody and Darrel – Can you Relate?

That is exactly the situation I was in when I met Melody and Darrel for the first time.  They told me that they were (recently) in love and ecstatic about it. It showed.
They were so excited to tell me about how special their connection was and how easy it was to talk to each other. It just felt so good to be in each others presence. Most importantly, they insisted, they both trusted each other to really hear the others concerns, which had them open their hearts more and more to one another. They were soul-mates.
Now, although I have heard this story hundreds of times, it always inspires me, even though I know that 9 times out of 10, a year from now they are going to be at each others throats…IF they make it that long.
In spite of that, I always get inspired and encourage them, because I know in my own life and the lives of my clients, that a relationship filled with Love, Teamwork, and Fun IS possible.

Unlikely? Sure. But possible? Absolutely!

Anyway, I liked them immediately and felt warm and fuzzy being near them in love.

Predictably, things changed a bit.

The next time I saw Darrel was at a birthday gathering, where he came up to me in a group of people. After some pleasantries, we “somehow” ended up in a corner alone in conversation, where I asked how Melody was doing.
“Oh yeah, it’s been a while hasn’t it” he said, as pieces of our initial conversation seemed to come back to him as we talked about it.  “She’s great and we’re great,” Darrel added hastily.
“That sounds … great.” I responded, mirroring his voice tone around the word “great,” then waited in silence, guessing that he had much more to share.
“Yeah,” he repeated, “great” and fell into a thoughtful silence of his own.  “You know,” he said after a pause, “I am remembering how happy Melody and I were when we met you. Not that we’re not happy now, but…relationships can get tricky…”
I assured him that I did know about that, and invited him to tell me his story.

So what was really going on?

It turns out that, through time, Darrel and Melody started getting on each other’s nerves. Instead of expecting the best from each other and giving each other the benefit of the doubt, they had started arguing with each other.
Their initial “spark” seemed nowhere to be found, and in its place was a much less pleasant reality:
  • Hurt – Suspicion, distrust, and resentment – Sometimes if felt suffocating.
  • Frustration – Increased numbers of arguments and negative thinking.
  • Disappointment – A lack of physical intimacy.
  • Tired – Less time and energy to spend together. Emotional detachment.
  • Stuck – Feeling like there are no options.
  • Self-Doubt – Feeling like there you must have some deficiency that is causing all this.

Darrel had tried “working on” the relationship with Melody.

He offered her reassurance, that he loved her and that he would change somehow. He was hoping and wishing the relationship would survive but he wasn’t so sure.
He was convinced that they were the only ones in the world this was happening to.
Darrel’s “duct tape” patches for the relationship — swallowing the sour pill and digging the hole deeper or smoothing things over and hoping the patch will hold — simply were not working.

I asked him what he wanted to do.

I told Darrel that this is not the kind of thing that gets better on its own.
“You don’t have the time to sit and wait for a miracle to happen, for Melody to suddenly change her mind or her personality” I told him.
The fact about relationships is that they are either headed towards thriving or towards suffering…
…and the tendency is towards suffering.
This is why I see so many broken relationships and many others staying together in miserable condition. They are suffering– devoid of teamwork, lacking intimacy, and certainly no fun.
“If you don’t change your path, Darrel, where are you two headed?” I exclaimed.
His blank stare told me my words were having an impact.  He knew this was the truth, however painful.

“The truth is, “I told him, “It’s not your fault.”

Our culture is messed up.  Too much change, differing values and expectations, inherited patterning.
We have no training.  We weren’t taught this in school, in fact, no one ever taught most of us how to deal with the challenges of modern relationships.
I implored with Darrel to take action now, before it is too late.  “Don’t let this all-too-common slide into suffering happen to you.”
He agreed, and added that if he doesn’t make it work with Melody, his secret dread was that he would just do it all again with the next person.
I gave him my card and he said he would certainly call me, he just needed to check in with her about it.

The next time I heard from Melody and Darrel was…

When Melody showed up in my office.
Their relationship had been moving slowly, but steadily downhill until she ended up here…devastated.
She woke up one day and realized that, despite everything she had tried, her once-blissful relationship had been shattered. Her whole world was turning upside down and she had no idea what to do. She felt like she was on the edge of a relationship abyss — with the idea of breakup relentlessly pulling her over.
On the one hand, she felt a searing heartache that felt like it was going to tear her apart. On the other, she felt numb and empty.
Melody was experiencing:
  • Numb – Sleepless nights, Loss of appetite then binge eating for comfort, massive depression.
  • Hopeless – Things appeared beyond repair. Felt like you are going over the same old arguments again and again. Trying to reason with the partner.  Having ineffective, nasty communication or long bouts of stony silence.  Lingering in poisonous unresolved conflicts.
  • Powerless – Partner is hard-headed. Self is not capable, like a deer in the headlights.  Nothing seems to get them to change.  Not believing they even care.  Feeling rejected, unloved and alone. Seeing your own part in the pushing away, even when really wanting closeness.
  • Trapped – Boxed in, social, financial, family, friends – Can’t leave.
  • Undeserving – You made this bed, now you have to lie in it.  You can’t do any better. utterly defeated.

I snapped her out of it.

After hearing Melody unload all this, I told her that I understood. It looks really bad. I see that she is scared and doesn’t know what to do.
Then I asked her, “What do you want to do? Do you want to save your relationship with Darrel or are you done and just asking for my blessing to end things?
She stared at me in shock.  She couldn’t believe I asked her that.  Melody cried and asked for an explanation.  I just looked at her with care.
As she took a moment to think about it, she remembered the hours she had spent discussing the issues with a friend who was convinced it was Darrel’s fault, not hers. She had come to believe that their history of pain, suffering and conflict seemed like an impossible burden to carry, and she would love to just put it all down and simply walk away.
But her heart felt broken at the thought of losing what they had and she didn’t really want to let it go.  She was just hopeless and couldn’t see how to make it work.
She realized that she owed it to herself and her future daughters and sons to change this pattern and break this cycle forever.

You need to act, and smart.

I asked her, “Is this pattern going to change on its own?”
She answered slowly, “No.”
“It’s time for you to commit to master the game of relationships” I told her. “I am here to help you, and this will happen fast, but it all relies on YOU and what YOU are going to do right this moment.
“Do you really want to dig deep and fix this once and for all? It’s simple really.  Make the choice that you will learn what you need to learn. Get on the path and take this course to Create Thriving in this and all of your relationships.”

The Key To Thriving Is In Your Mindset – Choose to Thrive!

The people who fail at relationships, fail because they they never take the truly hard action it requires to truly thrive:
The action to change their mindset. To tap into the power they have to make a difference, to get on track, to get good at partnership.
The irony is that taking this action is actually a relief. It is the NOT choosing that causes the agony and despair.
Is this pattern going to change on its own?  No.

Melody made the choice.  YES!

I took her under my wing and taught her the essential steps on how to save her relationship with Darrel. Walking piece-by-piece through The 5 Keys of Thriving Partnership, Melody started to think clearly, make new choices, and feel confident about her new skills.
Day by day, step by step, in only a few months Melody was applying the tools and strategies I gave her.  She learned so much about herself and the tangible things she could do, even when her husband was unresponsive.  Bit by bit, the barriers were broken down.
She found words to describe what she REALLY wanted with Darrel. She recognized opportunities to build common ground with him and took them. Things started getting easier, momemtum began to build, and true hope started to dawn.
The small breakthroughs got bigger and stronger.  Melody was getting her old spark back … and Darrel was responding by getting inspired to give his best to her, to open his heart to her.
They started to talk, really talk, in a way they never really had before – sober, profound, not like the pollyanna way they had in the beginning, but really understanding and accepting each other and figuring out how to work together in a way that worked for both of them.

The floodgates opened.

It wasn’t like they no longer had any conflict, in fact, a really big one erupted when this new way of being was fresh for both of them. Melody had a total flip in the way she handled it compared to the past. She found herself doing things that at first seemed counter-intuitive in the face of his anger. She avoided her first instinct to beg, blame or be a victim, and to let go of the anger and frustration.
She knew she wasn’t going to sell herself out anymore so she felt safe.  She could actually listen to what he had to say and find a way forward — in partnership.
Their marriage became stronger and better than it ever was before!  Their problems literally became the solutions!
The next time I saw them together, they were wtaring at each other with renewed energy and love, hand in hand, laughing and smiling at each other…like a honeymoon couple!
And the Sex? Well, a gentleman never tells. And, the look in their eyes said it all.

Do you want this kind of teamwork, intimacy, and fun in your relationship?

Are you hoping and praying for a better relationship? That’s good! Now it’s time to act and create the relationship you want!
You might not be as far gone as Melody and Darrel, or you might be past that, already divorced but having to “get along” to manage child custody and parenting.
It sounds crazy, but I know I can make the same great results happen for you and your relationship.

But let’s start from where you are, Right Now.

Be honest with yourself, what do you want to do? Do you want to save your relationship? Or are you really just done and just looking for my blessing to end things?
Because if you want to turn your relationship from Suffering to Synergy, here is what I want you to know.
You can do it. You are worth it.
You deserve a happy, healthy relationship. You are never too old or too tired to give a marriage or partnership new life! It may sound too good to be true, but there are no impossible situations, only more complex ones.
You are not the first person who has told me they can’t do this. I have heard almost every excuse in the book.
Not only is this possible, it’s predictable.  There is hope.  It isn’t as scary as you might think. All you need is a little guidance and slowly but surely, we will have you planning for the future instead of living in the past.  It’s not magic, although it sometimes seems that way.

This course will give you results:

  • Learn the best way to get what you need without offending your partner.
  • Reconnect with your core self.
  • No more fear, No more lies, No more unspoken expectations.
  • Build a better future together.
  • Stop being green with envy every time you spot a happy couple.

I can help you. I will show you the steps if you are willing.

The truth about relationships is, some people are just naturals.  I wasn’t
I had to learn this too, then I perfected the system with 20 years of one-on-one coaching in real-world relationships.
With my unique, insightful and powerful secrets to attracting love and making relationships work, I have helped hundreds of people just like you.  Will you allow me to help you now?
I really want you to be successful.
This course contains the most important and practical insights, skills and realizations that have made the biggest difference for my clients.  I have included everything I know about how to keep relationships together…and putting them back together after they have come apart, while deepening intimacy and fun!
I have refined, researched, tested and developed this material for decades.  This course is the culmination.
This is what I can deliver to you, in practical, immediately beneficial action steps.

Empower you to make the changes you want.

Once you learn and apply the lessons you have learned from my course, I promise you, you’ll turn this living nightmare around and start to make real gains almost immediately!
The secrets I am going to teach you are surprisingly simple, straightforward, and learnable.

In the course, you will learn:

Triage – How to stop the bleeding in a damaged relationship. You’ll learn to diffuse arguments before they start. You’ll minimize or eliminate problems entirely. You’ll find you can skillfully influence your partner’s behavior and actions.  You’ll find new perspectives and new choices by looking at issues from different angles.
Principles – This system is going to arm you with a few simple, powerful techniques.  I’ll teach you what you need to do and when to do it.  We’ll fix a broken relationship and get you and your partner back in the game. (even after they have quit.)
You’ll gain understanding of what makes them “tick”…the little details that really make things work.
To Be Prepared – With this course, you can stop divorce dead in its tracks. I’ll share with you exactly what ingredients are involved in a successful marriage.  The best techniques and methods your marriage or partnership needs to make positive changes, fast.
Strategies — what to say, how to say it, the optimum right time.
The missing pieces that have, and will trip you up on your path to thriving.
Mindset – Get your head on straight – we’ll get you in the right frame of mind.  I’ll teach you fundamental values, communication, and relationship skills.
We’ll evaluate, change and improve your outlook on life and relationships.
You’ll re-learn new life skills that will make a difference and give you a solid foundation from which to build.
We’ll tackle the core of your crisis and get the love back in your life.
Immediate Benefits – My system worked wonders from the first step with Melody and countless other clients.
I can deliver the same great results for you and your relationship…fast. We’ll “Work smarter” and change the momentum of your relationship now.
You can achieve immediate results with this “love-changing” system.
Never again – Avoid the agony of divorce, and all the painful fallout that will produce. Get the skills to make sure you never go into “crisis mode” again.  Your marriage or partnership is never going to be vulnerable to the pain and risk of breakup or divorce.

I promise you, this will change your life, your partnership, your happiness…forever.

I will help you out of this mess so that these recurring arguments are only a distant memory.  You will win the heart, soul and mind of the one you love back into your arms.
You will create the strong, intimate, fulfilling relationship you have always wanted.  This is the stuff your priest and your parents never taught you.
I will not be surprised if you get a little freaked out about just how well it works.
Even if you are in the “Red zone.”  Even if you feel like you are in a battle with your partner. Even if you feel like you are trying to salvage a marriage or partnership. No matter how long it has been broken and even if your partner doesn’t want to do it….this system can work.

Here is the outline for Creating Thriving Partnerships – An Advanced Course

5 keys to creating thriving partnerships

  1. Conscious Relating
    • REALITY and Perspective between People
  2. Intentional Relating
    • Using Reason to Transcend Our Own Patterns
  3. Authentic Relating
    • Responsibility-Honoring Self-I You US
  4. Evolving Relating
    • Right/Right Respect and Synergistic Agreements
  5. Transcendent Relating
    • Realization of Love, Depth, and Intimacy

The Course – A Lesson by Lesson Breakdown:

Section 1 – The Choice To Move From Suffering To Synergy

Lesson 1

The most important choice you’ll ever make in partnership

  • Clarity is power. Clarity is also peace and persuasiveness.
  • When you know what you really want, saying yes and saying no become simple and even expressions of who you are.
  • In this lesson, you learn to master the power of what, the power of how, the power of why, and power of will.
  • Get the power to look your partner in the eyes and tell them the truth in a way that makes them want to go deeper with you with you.

Lesson 2

Moving From Right/Wrong To Right/Right Relating

  • Learn to recognize and bypass the single most destructive dynamic in all of human relationships: The Victim Self-Righteousness Dynamic.
  • There is a simple but profound understanding that transforms how you will deal with relationships from here on out.
  • Discover it. Learn it. Integrate it. A new world of relating and partnership awaits. It’s time.

Check out this short clip from Lesson 2

Lesson 3

Presuming Positive Intention

  • Our subconscious habits in communication can be like sand in the gears of the engine of partnership.
  • As you acknowledge and appreciate the power of what is not said, you multiply the effectiveness of all of your other communication.
  • Bring out the best in your partner and set the stage for a truly rewarding conversation each step of the way.

Lesson 4

The Synergy Process: Creating Win-Win Agreements

  • Learn the most powerful and effective communication skill in existence for turning conflict into cooperation.
  • Move beyond win lose agreements and compromise, and explore the world of win-win synergy.
  • When you can learn to get what you really want, in a way that your partner gets what they really want, while letting go of the form in which you originally thought you wanted it, you gain true power in partnership.

Section 2 – The First Three Keys Of Thriving Partnership

Lesson 5

Reality: The Three Spheres of Thriving Partnerships – Conscious Relating

  • The relationship between reality, what you think reality is, and what your partner thinks reality is, holds the potential for tremendous joy and happiness, but also pain and suffering.
  • Learn a simple and profound model to give you insight into these fundamental issues at the heart of all partnership.
  • In the process discover the difference between pseudo-intimacy and true intimacy, especially how you can systematically create it.

Lesson 6

Reason: Empowering and Inspiring Stories – Intentional Relating

  • Identify the key leverage point of creating empowering and inspiring partnerships.
  • Your mind has a profound impact on how you feel, what you want, and how you experience your partnership. Partnership is a game played first between the ears.
  • As we move from Unconscious Implicit Expectations to Conscious Explicit Agreements, a new world of possibility comes into view.
  • As you discern which stories bring out your and your partner’s best in partnership, you free yourself to be yourself with your partner.

Lesson 7

Responsibility, Integrity, and Authenticity

  • Responsibility is your primary access to power, teamwork, and intimacy in partnership.
  • We honor our integrity by taking responsibility for it and bringing our authentic truth to our partner in a partnership.
    The more you understand when to bring your Me, and when to bring your mask That to your partnerships, the more graceful your dance becomes.
  • As you relax into the insights of this lesson, you act with greater precision in service of what truly matters to you and what will create beauty for your partnership.

Lesson 8

Honoring the Integrity of the ‘I’, the ‘You’ and the ‘Us’

  • How do you honor your own experience while also honoring your partners, and honoring the partnership as a whole.
  • How do you draw the line between what you want what your partner wants, and how can you alter both what you want and what your partner without sacrificing one another to each other what a partnership?
  • Learn to give yourself permission to want and achieve your deepest desires in partnership.

Lesson 9

The Journey to Interdependence

  • Learn to recognize various flavors of dependence, and what they are telling you about what you really want and need – especially how you can ship them into interdependence.
  • Realize the nature and power independence and its relationship with authenticity, integrity, and responsibility, and set the stage for synergy, interdependence, and true partnership.

Section 3: The Fourth Key Of Respect

Lesson 10

Problems Are The Solution: Boundaries, Emotions and Agreements.

  • The experience sharing one’s heart and values with another can be sometimes become painful and feel treacherous.
  • Learn how to translate you are most important and personal wants and needs into agreements win win remix with your partner to get better through time.
  • Understand the value and power of your emotions to clarify and honor your deepest values.

Lesson 11

The Yes DEAR Process And The Declare Step

  • Relationships are generally pretty easy until and unless you have conflict.
  • The art of Creating Thriving Partnerships requires that you become extraordinary at conflict into cooperation.
  • Learn the attitude and the first step of the process by which you can turn emotional conflict in disagreement into foundation of a deeper partnership true partnership.

Lesson 12

The Yes D.E.A.R Process – Explore, Amends, and Recommit/Renegotiate

  • The more we learn to welcome our emotions and our partners emotions into the partnership, the more they can guide us to truly synergistic agreements.
  • As we complete the five step communication process by which we turn conflict into the Gateway For Love, we free ourselves to evolve our partnership through time to express our highest values with increasing depth.

Lesson 13

Artistry In The Yes D.E.A.R Process

  • Now it’s time to bring everything we’ve learned thus far to task in creating thriving partnerships.
  • Leverage the Yes D.E.A.R. process with skill and grace through five tools for artistry in Conversations of Respect with our partner.
  • Discover the most appropriate relationship to argument in your partnership, explore multidimensionality, and learn “The Coaching,” I will give you whenever you face a challenge in your partnership.

Section 4: The Fifth Key Of Realization

Lesson 14

Realization– The Cycle of Intimacy and the Dance of Vulnerability.

  • Learn what intimacy is, and how you can how to systematically build intimacy (In 3 easy steps) through the “Cycle of Realization.”
  • Open yourself to the power of vulnerability and how to foster it and bring it to your partnership.
  • Discover how to create “the caress of two souls,” by differentiating between shame and guilt and freeing yourself to follow your conscience.

Lesson 15

A Game of Intimacy, Soul to Soul, Rules 1-3

  • Uncover the power of creating conscious and intentional agreements, and how to use their structure to build deeper into Intimacy, Teamwork, and Fun.
  • Explore the first three rules of The Game of Intimacy, and understand the power in all relationships of respect.
  • Get some on the ground experience of what it’s like to follow your desire I’d I and soul to soul with your partner.

Lesson 16

A Game of Intimacy, Soul to Soul, Rules 3-6

  • Explore the fourth, fifth and sixth rules or agreements in the Game of Intimacy.
  • Learn how to create a context in which vulnerable sharing becomes welcome and transformative.
  • Discover the three levels of opening yourself in intimacy to your partner.
  • Recognize how all 6 rules work together to create the “soul to soul” effect in partnerships.

Lesson 17

Artistry In Intimacy, “Cleaning The Glass.”

  • Deepen our understanding of realization through intimacy.
  • Learn about the tool for artistry called “Cleaning the Class”
  • How to expertly unwind multiple levels of “withholds” you have with your partner, or your partner might have with you.

Lesson 18

Love: Falling in, Being in, and Telling Your Love Story.

  • Learn a simple and revealing understanding of what Love IS.
  • Realize that Love is a moving target. Learn how to track it and hit it.
  • Learn how to tell a 5-dimensional love story that will lead you to keep falling deeper into love.

Section 5: Red Zone Practices and 5 Keys Integration

Lesson 19

Red Zone Practices-Resolving the Drama and Getting off the Hamster Wheel

  • Learn some Red Zone secrets for what to do when you are so emotionally triggered that, even though you have the skills, you can’t seem to use them.
  • Learn the difference between experience and Expressing Our Emotions Versus Reacting and Enacting them.
  • Discover the power of having a chosen story you can call on when times are tough.
  • Learn some psycho-geography including “the directors chat” and “A soliloquy space”

Lesson 20

The Five Keys of Thriving Partnership

  • Integrate the core ideas of the course step-by-step through the lesson in the exercises.
  • Weave the principles from each lesson into a powerful tapestry uniting the Five Keys of Thriving Partnership to guide you deeper Into Love, Intimacy, Teamwork, and Fun.
  • Have a 30 to 60 min. refresher so that you can find best bang for your buck ideas on how to make your relationship thrive even more today.

Section 6. Mastering The Dance of Advanced Romance

Lesson 21

Getting Good at the Dance of Romance

  • Understanding the cause and effect side of the romance coin, or the two-step dance romance.
  • The critical nature of love stories in creating a thriving partnership.
  • How to systematically make your partner’s dreams come true, while having them make yours come true.

Lesson 22

The Power of Polarity: Leveraging the Masculine/Feminine Dynamic

  • Clarify and use the differences between masculine and feminine, man and woman, to intensify emotional fulfillment in partnership.
  • Discover the core wound of the masculine and feminine, as well as their core openings, and how you can work with them to avoid the traps and realize what’s possible in romance

Lesson 23

The Three Faces of Masculine/Feminine Romance

  • Learn the importance of honoring the needs of all three faces of the masculine and feminine character.
  • Discover The Princess, The Queen, and The Goddess, as well as The Hero, The King, and The Sage.
  • Balance and develop your capacities to support and be supported in each of your roles.

Lesson 24

Passionate, Satisfying, and Transcendent Sex

  • Recognize and overcome the most important obstacle to sexual fulfillment.
  • Leverage the power of feedback and feedforward spirals.
  • Understand the value of taboos, role-play, and sexual exploration.
  • Advanced tips for advanced lovers.

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