In this session, you will:
In this session, you will:
Now that we have learned the essential distinctions of Right/Right thinking and Presuming Positive Intention, we are ready to effectively practice in relationship and introduce you to The Synergy Process, an incredibly powerful tool to create thriving partnerships.
In this lesson, we will learn the Synergy Process, the relationship tool to systematically turn conflict into greater connection.
This is the practical expression of Right/Right thinking and presuming positive intention.
Learn to create synergy where most people create resentment and resignation.
Systematically use our differences as an opportunity to build partnerships.
Change the way we think about the issue instead of falling back into the old Win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose outcomes.
Shift the focus from what we want, to the reason why we want something.
“What do you want through having X”
When we reveal the higher purpose for each person, we get a much wider range of opportunities to find win-win outcomes.
Listen to Lesson 4, and get this distinction in much greater detail, then proceed to Exercise 4
Exercise Questions:
represence the 3 issues from the first two sessions
you have envisioned through the right/right attitude for relating
you have examined and imagined Presupposing Positive Intention
Now, let’s create some win-win agreements around them
represence #1
Identify the issue and underlying boundary issue
(60 Seconds)
Ask yourself the higher purpose question
Clarifying your higher purpose
(60 Seconds)
Rinse repeat on higher purpose
(60 Seconds)
Imagine asking other higher purpose question
write down the answers
(60 Seconds)
Rinse and Repeat
(60 Seconds)
Imagine solutions that might work to synergize both higher purposes.
(60 Seconds)
Rinse and Repeat
(60 Seconds)
Imagine that that worked – anything else needed to be satisfied?
Clarify additional positive purposes for yourself.
(60 Seconds)
Clarify additional positive purposes for your partner.
(60 Seconds)
Find synergistic solutions
(60 Seconds)
specify next actions and schedule
(60 Seconds)
7 minutes rinse and repeat
get easier the second time
let’s go through those 10 steps again on a different issue
rinse and repeat with same partnership mid-level emotional intensity
6 minutes rinse and repeat
get even easier the third time
let’s go through those 10 steps again on a different issue
repeat with same partnership high-level emotional intensity
summarize
get practiced at moving from emotions — boundary — higher purpose
the more the more – the better with self, the better with others
Do this WITH your partner – live!
outro
I encourage you to take a couple minutes to review what you have written
and translate those into concrete actions you can take
to create thriving in the partnerships you choose to focus on.
This exercise is an excellent resource to help you get crystal clear with your decision to start right now and take your relationship from suffering to synergy.
Use the Google Doc, a journal, or the automated from below to record your answers to these questions.
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CTP: Suffering to Synergy is a short and effective 4-lesson course that will open the door to a new way of being in your partnership and literally transform that relationship…overnight(or as fast as you can get through the course anyway.)
With an hour a week, you (or you and your partner) will learn, discover and create whole new possibilities in your relationship.
The 4 lesson Suffering to Synergy course will lay the foundation that will profoundly shift your understanding of your relationship and lay the groundwork for you to get what you really want. Happiness, Intimacy, Teamwork, Fun.
S2S is loaded with lessons for new understanding, exercises to help you practice and really ground these new ideas, support forums where you can get answers to specific issues in your unique relationship, and access to a community of people committed to relationship mastery.
Learn More.
It really is that important.
Once you make this master choice, it will change your relationship forever.
It is a life-changing choice.
It is also the kind of choice that if you don’t make it, you will continue down the path of suffering, resentment and generally a future that you don’t want.
This lesson will help you recognize and make that choice, and see your relationship get better, and better.
Listen to this lesson, then complete the exercise, and take the first step to move your relationship life from Suffering To Synergy
CTP: Suffering to Synergy is a short and effective 4-lesson course that will open the door to a new way of being in your partnership and literally transform that relationship…overnight(or as fast as you can get through the course anyway.)
With an hour a week, you (or you and your partner) will learn, discover and create whole new possibilities in your relationship.
The 4 lesson Suffering to Synergy course will lay the foundation that will profoundly shift your understanding of your relationship and lay the groundwork for you to get what you really want. Happiness, Intimacy, Teamwork, Fun.
S2S is loaded with lessons for new understanding, exercises to help you practice and really ground these new ideas, support forums where you can get answers to specific issues in your unique relationship, and access to a community of people committed to relationship mastery.
Learn More.
Practice “Shaking it out.” If you’re sitting down stand up, and then simply shake out every part of your body for 2 to 3 seconds.
Try it again, but turn it up a couple notches. Get how full engagement in this really can change your state.
(15 Seconds)
Stretch and prepare for 5 seconds, then run in place or other vigorous exercise to energize your body. Get winded. Do this vigorously.
(30 Seconds)
Practice controlling your breathing. Try breathing in and out as hard as you can for 7-10 seconds, then take 3-4 deep long breaths, breathing in and out slowly and relaxed.
(30 Seconds)
Take a moment and imagine if you were to bring the optimal thriving story that was built in reality and use our best reason and took responsibility and demonstrated respect so that you could realize what’s possible that would be like? How would you think and feel and what would you want IF you have that optimal story?
Imagine what it would be like if you really had that story.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine that optimal state again but this time I want you to notice some things about it. How are you breathing when you’re in that optimal state that optimal story? What’s your posture like? what’s your internal voice tone like? What your belief or certainty that you’re headed towards a future of thriving that’s hopeful?
(30 Seconds)
Combine it with the movement exercises we were doing earlier to show you how it actually plays out when you want to use this with artistry and grace.
Think about a situation where you were starting to get emotionally upset with your partner about something so the we can practice interrupting that state and bringing in the optimal story. A 3-4 on a scale of 1-10.
(15 seconds)
So we’re going to shake it out and then take on the physiology take on that optimal story and she’ll have a fit together. Stand up shake it out for 2 -4 seconds, then sit back down and get back into that optimal state bringing back your breathing bringing back your posture bringing back your voice tone and bringing back the vision of the future.
(30 seconds)
Imagine first interrupting your state and shaking it out taking on the optimal story and then inviting your partner into a right-right, win-win, Yes D.E.A.R. conversation.
(30 seconds)
Imagine that you’re upset with your partner. You recognize that it is too intense.
Imagine interrupting your pattern getting your head back and calling for a Director’s Chat.
(30 seconds)
If changing your own state and inviting your partner into a better state is enough to give you breathing space so that you could really hear your partner–instead of calling for a Director’s Chat you could offer them a Soliloquy Space.
Imagine offering your partner Soliloquy Space.
(30 Seconds)
Now imagine that you’re actually going to interrupt your state invite your partner into a partnership state and then assuming that they have the capacity, request that they hold the soliloquy space for you.
Imagine your partner offering you a Soliloquy Space.
(30 seconds)
In this session, you will:
Re-presence a relationship that you want to have more intimacy, love and teamwork.
(5 Seconds)
Think of some issues you want more love, happiness, teamwork around – more thriving.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine choosing one of those things and sharing vulnerably with your partner. Imagine throwing it over the glass – you are trusting them to catch it. Imagine throwing it with care – throw it where they are – in language they can understand – but throw it.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine not sharing it with them – splat on the glass. What is that like – how does it impact how you relate to them? How does it impact your presence?
(30 Seconds)
For your eyes only, just to consider and think about:
Think about something you have on the glass with your partner. Something you haven’t shared and you know that you haven’t shared.
(10 Seconds)
What is something in your partnership that you’d love to be different but you have given up on changing. Make a list of issues that are “on the glass” for you.
(60 Seconds)
Look through this list and choose one of these issues to work with. 3-4 on a scale of 1-10.
(10 Seconds)
Imagine being in your partner’s presence and something reminds you of this issue. How do you deal/react when the subject is brought up in your partner’s presence? How does it change your presence, your feelings of intimacy/closeness?
(30 Seconds)
Typically we each have a strategy for dealing with something “on the glass”. How do you avoid the issue? distract? ignore? avoid topics?
(30 Seconds)
Are there topics you avoid because they might lead to the “on the glass” topic you are avoiding? What else does this impact? How does it spread virally?
(30 Seconds)
How do you justify (to yourself) why you are not sharing this thing?
Some reasons are centered on your partner – how does their behavior justify you not sharing?
notice that…
(30 Seconds)
Imagine actually sharing this issue with your partner. Are there steps to take before you share that thing? What “practices” would you want it place before you share it? What experiences would you want under your belt? (Yes D.E.A.R.?)
How might you prepare the partnership to help integrate this share?
(30 seconds)
Imagine preparing the ground to share this issue.
Start by setting a right/right context between you and your partner.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine requesting that your partner presuppose positive intention and that you will do the same and setting this as a context for the conversation.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine setting a context and the intention to create a win/win agreements.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine sharing the thing you haven’t shared. Share for understanding – accuracy.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine sharing the thing you haven’t shared, this time sharing for understanding the beauty.
(30 Seconds)
Imagine listening for their response and making sure they feel understood and accepted for their response.
(30 Seconds)
Now that you have “cleaned the glass”, If there are amends, re-commitments or renegotiations to be made, co-create them. How can you use this conversation to refine your agreements to better express the synergy of your two integrities?
(30 Seconds)
Imagine thanking them for going on the ride with you and truly understanding you in an empowering and inspiring way. Let them know how powerful and important that is. Tell them how appreciative you are and what that means for you and your partnership.
(30 Seconds)
Rinse and repeat with same partnership mid-level emotional intensity