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Yes D.E.A.R – The Explore, Amends, and Renegotiate/Recommit Steps

Exercise Questions

Review the example you were using in the previous exercise. What happened? How did you say “yes.” What did you declare in terms of a broken/unspoken rule?
(30 Seconds)

Explore

Explore your partner’s experience first.
What is it that they are feeling? Put your attention on their emotional experience.
(15 Seconds)

Imagine asking them questions to draw out their experience so you can really explore their emotions.
(30 Seconds)

Tease apart the primary upset and any secondary upsets.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine actually getting agreement with your partner about the underlying boundary issue.
(30 Seconds)

Explore your emotions in this issue. what are you feeling? What do you think? What do you want?
(30 Seconds)

Tease apart your primary upset vs secondary upsets?
(30 Seconds)

How might you describe and articulate underlying boundary issues?
(30 Seconds)

Amends

If you have done anything to compromise the container of the relationship, co-create an amends that will heal any rupture to the partnership.
(30 Seconds)

Recommit and Renegotiate

Ask your partner the higher purpose question “what do you want through having that?”
(30 Seconds)

What is the higher purpose or intention of your boundary or emotion?
(30 Seconds)

What are some win-win agreements you could make with your partner that honors all the boundaries?
(30 Seconds)

Choose another issue you have already done the Yes and Declare steps with.

Review this issue. what were the details?
(15 seconds)

Explore

Explore their emotions. What do they feel? What are they thinking? What do they want?
(30 Seconds)

Tease apart the primary upset and any secondary upsets.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine actually getting agreement with your partner about the underlying boundary issue. What are the boundary issues underneath those emotions?
(30 Seconds)

Explore your emotions in this issue. what are you feeling? What do you think? What do you want?
(30 Seconds)

Tease apart your primary upset vs secondary upsets?
(30 Seconds)

How might you describe and articulate your underlying boundary issues?
(30 Seconds)

Amends

If you have done anything to compromise the container of the relationship, co-create an amends that will heal any rupture to the partnership.
(30 Seconds)

Recommit and Renegotiate

Ask your partner the higher purpose question “what do you want through having that?”
(30 Seconds)

What is the higher purpose or intention of your boundary or emotion?
(30 Seconds)

What are some win-win agreements you could make with your partner that honors all the boundaries?
(30 Seconds)