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Artistry in the Yes D.E.A.R Conversation and “The Coaching”
The Fifth Rule for Artistry:
“The Coaching”
- Notice, Accept and Honor whatever you are experiencing.
- Take 100% responsibility for your experience and how you respond to it.
- Say “yes” and go through the D.E.A.R process.
Exercise Questions:
Choose an event or issue you want to work with.
(15 Seconds)
Arguing is a losing move.
What are your natural responses that would fall into the category of arguing. Take 15 seconds and make the choice not to argue about it.
(15 Seconds)
Make the choice to let them share fist. (Next best, ask your partner to let you share first.)
Match or resonate with the non-verbal expression of our partner.
Practice resonating with your partner. Imagine really feeling the feelings of your partner and go on their non-verbal ride.
(30 Seconds)
Connect with the message of their issue. Share what you think the issue is, then ask them if they got it right.
Imagine getting to the message of their share and feeding it back to them until they say “yes, you understand.”
(30 Seconds)
Clarify the message of an emotion by connecting with the motivation.
Imagine getting the implicit expectation from the motivation in order to clarify the message.
(30 Seconds)
Remember that most issues are multi-dimensional.
Imagine sorting out a different dimension of what they are experiencing so that you can connect with that motivation and understand that message.
(60 Seconds)
Honor the spirit of our agreements, not just the letter.
Think about the relation of the letter of the agreements you might make and the spirit that they are intended to fulfill.
(30 Seconds)
Choose another issue and go through these exercises again.
(15 Seconds)
Make the choice not to argue.
(15 Seconds)
Feel what your partner is feeling by allowing your non-verbal communication to match your partner.
(30 Seconds)
What is the message underneath their emotion? What is the boundary issue? How well are you understanding them?
(30 Seconds)
How can you tease apart the multiple dimensions in their experience? What are the dimensions involved in this issue?
(30 Seconds)
What is the relationship between the letter and the spirit of your agreements and how might you shift your focus on to the spirit?
(30 Seconds)
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