Lesson 17 Exercise

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Artistry in Intimacy, Cleaning the Glass

Exercise Questions:

Re-presence a relationship that you want to have more intimacy, love and teamwork.
(5 Seconds)

Think of some issues you want more love, happiness, teamwork around – more thriving.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine choosing one of those things and sharing vulnerably with your partner. Imagine throwing it over the glass – you are trusting them to catch it. Imagine throwing it with care – throw it where they are – in language they can understand – but throw it.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine not sharing it with them – splat on the glass. What is that like – how does it impact how you relate to them? How does it impact your presence?
(30 Seconds)

For your eyes only, just to consider and think about:
Think about something you have on the glass with your partner. Something you haven’t shared and you know that you haven’t shared.

(10 Seconds)

What is something in your partnership that you’d love to be different but you have given up on changing. Make a list of issues that are “on the glass” for you.
(60 Seconds)

Look through this list and choose one of these issues to work with. 3-4 on a scale of 1-10.
(10 Seconds)

Imagine being in your partner’s presence and something reminds you of this issue. How do you deal/react when the subject is brought up in your partner’s presence? How does it change your presence, your feelings of intimacy/closeness?
(30 Seconds)

Typically we each have a strategy for dealing with something “on the glass”. How do you avoid the issue? distract? ignore? avoid topics?
(30 Seconds)

Are there topics you avoid because they might lead to the “on the glass” topic you are avoiding? What else does this impact? How does it spread virally?
(30 Seconds)

How do you justify (to yourself) why you are not sharing this thing?
Some reasons are centered on your partner – how does their behavior justify you not sharing?
notice that…

(30 Seconds)

Imagine actually sharing this issue with your partner. Are there steps to take before you share that thing? What “practices” would you want it place before you share it? What experiences would you want under your belt? (Yes D.E.A.R.?)
How might you prepare the partnership to help integrate this share?

(30 seconds)

Imagine preparing the ground to share this issue.
Start by setting a right/right context between you and your partner.

(30 Seconds)

Imagine requesting that your partner presuppose positive intention and that you will do the same and setting this as a context for the conversation.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine setting a context and the intention to create a win/win agreements.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine sharing the thing you haven’t shared. Share for understanding – accuracy.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine sharing the thing you haven’t shared, this time sharing for understanding the beauty.
(30 Seconds)

Imagine listening for their response and making sure they feel understood and accepted for their response.
(30 Seconds)

Now that you have “cleaned the glass”, If there are amends, re-commitments or renegotiations to be made, co-create them. How can you use this conversation to refine your agreements to better express the synergy of your two integrities?
(30 Seconds)

Imagine thanking them for going on the ride with you and truly understanding you in an empowering and inspiring way. Let them know how powerful and important that is. Tell them how appreciative you are and what that means for you and your partnership.
(30 Seconds)

Let’s go through those steps again on a different issue

Rinse and repeat with same partnership mid-level emotional intensity

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