Lesson 3 – Exercise

The Art of Presupposing Positive Intention

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Your Task: Listen to this exercise and follow all instructions. You'll want something to capture your thoughts (journal, text file, etc.)

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Recall issues you took through the 10 steps to right/right relating
choose mid-level emotional intensity

(60 seconds)

Recall the facts, the rules, your emotions
(30 seconds)

What is the intention you hallucinated onto them
(60 seconds)

What is the impact of the intention you have been hallucinating onto them?
positive, negative, enthusiasm or anger and fear?

(60 seconds)

How have you communicated your emotional upset to the other person so far?
voice tone
facial expressions
body posture
even the words you use

(30 seconds)

Recognize that you don’t know what their intentions are with precision
you are imagining, hallucinating, projecting, mind reading

(60 seconds)

What is the intention behind the intention?
what do they really intend?
write it down

(60 seconds)

Presupposing positive intentions, how else can you understand their actions?
what are 3-5 alternate explanations that use positive intentions that might plausibly explain their behaviors?

(60 seconds)

If one of these alternatives is accurate
have you been unfair to the other person?
were your voice tone, gestures, facial expression, words mean or inconsiderate?
do you have anything it would be honorable to apologize for?

(60 seconds)

Review your mutual friendships –
have you gossiped about your partner to other people?
what is the tone and impression that the other people were left with
write this down

(60 seconds)

3 things to do –
1. testing your hallucinations to determine their truth
2. or apologizing for inconsiderate communication
3. or cleaning up any damage your gossip might have caused.
(don’t actually do this unless you really think it is best),
notice the considerate voice tone, facial expressions, gestures

Remember It is not the inquiry but the intention through which you communicate
that you have presumed positive intentions.
It is the nonverbal communication
of curiosity
and wonder
and acceptance
and the desire to understand
through which you communicate positive intention.

The more you have that attitude, that intention, the more the tools of the inquiry and the medical outcome question will be helpful.

(60 seconds)

If there are any actions you are inspired to take write them down and schedule them into your calendar perhaps share them with a friend for accountability.

Rinse and Repeat

Choose a more intense issue 🙂

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