Lesson 9 – Exercise

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Your Task: Listen to this exercise and follow all instructions. You'll want something to capture your thoughts (journal, text file, etc.)

Share your Stories! If you find anything you really love in this lesson, please note it in the comments section below.


The Journey to Interdependence

I want you to think about that most important partnership in your life and as you think about it choose a particular issue in a partnership where you want more thriving.
(5 seconds)

What actually happened? What were the boundaries and values involved with the emotions? What’s the story you’re telling?
(60 seconds)

Dependence

Is there anywhere where you’re afraid that if your partner knew what you really thought or felt or wanted they might not love you in the same way or they might not respect you and that’s scary. Is there anything that you want to hide in order to maintain their appreciation? Where you bringing your mask instead of your me?
(30 seconds)

How does it lead you to distort the truth and hide yourself and maybe even create pseudo-intimacy instead of real intimacy and thriving partnership? What’s the price that you pay through time for that dependence?
(30 seconds)

Imagine that you were completely psychologically independent around this issue where you are the final word on your value and you know yourself to be good and learning and growing.

Take a moment and own and claim that you are the author and the authority in your life.

You are independent and responsible and your partner is your peer who’s equally independent and responsible. You have permission to think what you think and what what you want and feel what you feel and they have the equal permission.

You’re right and they’re right.

From this state of mind where can you take more responsibility to honor your authentic truth in this places where you have been psychologically dependent? What would that be like take?
(30 seconds)

Co-dependence

Where have you been sacrificing yourself in order to save your partner from themselves? Where have you tried to shield them from reality?

Where have you found yourself focusing on saving them rather than honoring yourself?
(30 seconds)

What is the cost of that codependence?
How does it lead you to distort reality and deny who you are? Who does it actually separate you from your partner?

(30 seconds)

How might you be more authentic in those places where you have been codependent
(30 seconds)

Counter-Dependence

Where have you been pushing away from your partner? How are you rebelling against them and defying them as an authority of some type? How are you showing them that you don’t need their approval that you don’t need them to like what you’re doing? Where are you being counter-dependent?
(30 seconds)

What is the cost of that counter-dependence? How does your pushing off of them actually reduce your authenticity, your capacity to honor what you think and feel and want?
(30 seconds)

How could you bring more authenticity to those areas where you used to be counter-dependent?

(30 seconds)

Independence

Let’s review those places where you imagine being more interdependent. What would it be like for you if you were to consistently make those kinds of choices more and more? What would it be like to be increasingly independent in your partnership with this person? How would that transform this issue and perhaps the partnership is a whole?
(30 seconds)

Interdependence

I want you to imagine having a conversation with your partner.

Where do you bring your independence in your I integrity in a way that honors their independence and their you integrity to create new agreements around this issue that build and deepen your us integrity imagine bringing your independence to them to create win-win synergy what would that be like?
(30 seconds)

Allow yourself to go outside the box of conventional relationship. What might really work for you even if it is really weird (or really boring?)
(30 seconds)

Choose another issue in your partnership and do these exercises again.

Choose an issue in one of your partnerships where you want more thriving.
(5 Seconds)

What actually happened? What were the boundaries and values involved with the emotions?
(30 seconds)

Dependence

Where are you hiding the truth from your partner so they won’t judge you? Where are you pretending to feel something that you really don’t in order to keep their appreciation?
(30 seconds)

What’s the cost of that dependence?
(30 seconds)

Imagine that you were completely psychologically independent around this issue.

You’re right and they’re right.

From this state of mind where can bring even more authenticity where you used to be psychologically dependent? What would that be like?
(30 seconds)

Co-dependence

Where have you been sacrificing yourself in order to save your partner from themselves? Where have you tried to shield them from reality?

Where have you found yourself focusing on saving them rather than honoring yourself?
(30 seconds)

What is the cost of that co-dependence?
How does it lead you to distort reality and deny who you are? How does it actually separate you from your partner?

(30 seconds)

How might you bring more authenticity in those places where you have been co-dependent?
(30 seconds)

Counter-Dependence

Where have you been pushing away from your partner? How are you rebelling against them and defying them as an authority of some type? How are you showing them that you don’t need their approval that you don’t need them to like what you’re doing? Where are you being counter-dependent?
(30 seconds)

What is the cost of that counter-dependence? How does your pushing off of them actually reduce your authenticity, your capacity to honor what you think and feel and want?
(30 seconds)

Independence

Imagine being fully independent. How does that change those places where you used to be counter-dependent?
(30 Seconds)

Interdependence

Bringing all the insights together, imagine having a conversation with your partner focused on finding win-win agreements and synergy.

How can you honor the I, then the you, then the us, interdependently?
(30 Seconds)

Special Audio:

This is a short version of the Lesson 9 Exercise that you can revisit at anytime to work through present challenges.

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