Lesson 12 – The Yes D.E.A.R. Process Part 2

The Yes D.E.A.R Process - Explore, Amends, and Recommit/Renegotiate

Right-Click/Ctrl-Click to Download

Your Task: Listen to this audio and take notes on key points and insights, then proceed to Exercise 12
Share your Stories! If you find anything you really love in this lesson, please note it in the comments section below.

In this session, you will:

  • Learn the final three steps of the D.E.A.R. process: Explore, Amends, and Recommit/Renegotiate.
  • Learn how to give your partner permission and encouragement to share their emotional experience, allowing them to do the same for you.
  • Learn how to co-create thriving partnerships through a deeper understanding of your boundaries and your partner’s boundaries.

The Yes D.E.A.R Process – Explore, Amends, and Recommit/Renegotiate.


The goal here is to understand your partner’s emotional experience, to feel what they feel, and to communicate to them that you understand what they are feeling. Then, they will trust you to take their boundaries seriously. As you go with them on this ride, you will clarify the underlying boundaries. It doesn’t matter if the emotion is in response to a broken rule or an unspoken rule. The emotion is not the problem, it is the solution.


The process of this step is to repair any damage done to the container of the partnership. What the amends is doesn’t matter, but it must be agreed upon by both partners. Unlike punishment, which is an inherently negative experience for both partners, making amends is a positive experience that adds energy to both partners and makes the partnership stronger.

Recommit or Renegotiate

If the boundaries violated do not require new agreements, clarify and recommit to the agreements you have.

If your previous agreements no longer fit the newly clarified boundaries, use the Synergy Process to ask the higher purpose question and renegotiate and co-create new agreements. The more you understand your agreements as rough drafts, works in process, and continually refine them through time, the more thriving you will find in your partnerships. The more, the more.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply